Sunday, December 5, 2010

Confused by Bibliomancy

I've always been attracted to the art of divination. Sometimes I gain valuable insights about the future by reading the movements of clouds (nephomancy) or, and this is my favorite, by watching a cats' movements or jumps (ailuromancy). Bibliomancy has also been the subject of much of my attention for many years: (1) A trusted book, often a holy book, that, by definition, is believed to hold the truth, is picked up and placed on its spine on a flat surface; (2) the book is allowed to fall open; and (3) a passage is picked with the eyes closed. This has proved to be a very accurate way for obtaining credible information about the future, but I'm always looking for other forms of "mancy" to, er, suit my fancy. and I thought I had stumbled on a new form of divination, "horamancy", which was destined to be the wave of the future, so to speak, or so I thought. The discovery of my new method occurred only a few weeks ago, but it only now that I am prepared to describe the events.

I awoke in the middle of one night and looked at the digital clock on the night table (Latin hora, meaning "hour") and read "3:16". To me, this was an obvious reference to John 3:16, which reads: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life". I felt confident and, to a certain degree, sanctified and saved, until I contemplated the other possibilities of interpretation. After all, there are many "3:16" citations in the various books of the Bible, so I felt it necessary to check a few, just to make sure they matched the intent of the most famous example cited above. First, I tried Genesis 3:16 and read: “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you”, but that seemed unrelated and harsh, so I looked at I Kings 3:16 and my eyes were met with the words: "Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him" At this point I was thoroughly confused, but decided upon one last attempt. I decided to consult the last "3:16" in the Good Book my finger quickly came to rest on Revelation 3:16: "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth". It was time to call my experiment at horamancy a complete and abject failure! From that point forward I decided to stick with more proven forms of divination, such as xylomancy, divination using wood found in one's path, which I hear from experts to be quite reliable.


Suzy said...

Fancy, schmancy, bibliomancy,
I got a gal whose name is Nancy...

Hit song in the 70s, as I recall.

Diane said...

Didn't Kasey Kasem play that?